The Admirer/Transcript

Aphmau: Hey guys, Jess here, and welcome to Minecraft Diaries. Now, today, as you can tell by the lovely little meowing behind, you can tell that we are on Kitty Cat Island, or Crazy Cat Lady Island. There are cats literally swimming everywhere. There are cats all over this place for miles to be seen. Quite, literally. Or shall I say, quite... kiterally? (Fake laughter) No, I'm just kitting around. Anyway, yeah, so we have the Crazy Cat Lady who is not here at the moment and the cats are just in the big pile of yellow... bed sheets and oh my gosh this is just crazy. Well anyway, uh... that is a giant cat. That's- well it's an ocelot really, but it's a giant- oh it's a giant cat. Whatever, so Crazy Cat Lady, what's going on?

Crazy Cat Lady" Wha- Huh? How could this have happened? This has never happened before! What's that I smell?

Aphmau: Uh, cat pee maybe? (Laughing) I like how even the little options are yellow. (More laughing) Cat pee maybe?

Crazy Cat Lady: That smell. YOU HAVE A DOG ON YOU DON'T YOU?! I KNEW IT! THIS IS WHY I MADE MY OWN ISLAND OF CATS! TO GET AWAY FROM PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO ABUSE AN OLD LADY'S HOSPITALITY! Oh, my poor baby Mittens... what am I going to do?

Aphmau: Uh, you're about to have a tsunami of cat pee and first of all that ain't no baby no more, and secondly, wait, what are you blaming my Thorgi for your cat getting huge? What? Yeah, exactly! Are you blaming my Thorgi for my cat getting huge?

Crazy Cat Lady: Yes, I'm blaming you. My cat must have smelled the scent of a dog and was inflicted with the juju curse that has ran in my Crazy Cat~lady family for years. This is all your fault!

Aphmau: Uh, yeah, you are officially crazy.

Crazy Cat Lady: Crazy? Ha! The only one who is crazy is you if you don't figure out how to fix this!

Aphmau: Uh, how am I supposed to...

Crazy Cat Lady: There's a town called Meteli a little back North in the Swamp. It's where I'm originally from. I'm sure you can find a shaman there that can undo this bad juju. Go now! Mittens doesn't have a ball of yarn big enough to play with... my poor Mittens...

Aphmau: Oh my god Mittens.

Mittens: (Screeches)

Aphmau: Okay yeah, Mittens is just... yeah he's, Mittens is pretty mad about this. He's a giant- wow, he's a giant cat. I mean, yeah, it's an ocelot, but I mean I guess they're cats. The-They're in the cat family and what happens if I let out all the cats in here? Like do- aww look at the cats are all like, "Get us out of this house! We don't wanna be in this house anymore!" Oh.

Aphmau: Okay, so umm... North. North is this way because I'm going South. Still, I mean I'm from the North so you would think I would have heard of this town or at least have seen it on my way here. Umm, so, the only way that I can, I mean, this way looks like there's swamp. You can see swamp water, and hopefully I don't hit any of the cats. Uh, so let's see, let's attempt to- okay, alright, there might be some... catualties. (Fake laughter)

Aphmau: Ohh, I, I-I need to stop with these terrible puns. I'm,_I'm already on, I'm already on a ball, here. Of yarn. Um, yeah. That just ruined it.

Aphmau: Okay, so there is a small town a little ways back, so let's see... We have the swamp here. There's some swap water, some swamp doings here. That looks like a village all he way to the end over there. So let's go check that out. Ohh, look at that. Yep. This is definitely a village, and I bet you it's the village of Meteli or Metil, how-however you pronounce it. Alright, here we go. I think, yep! this looks like the place. Uh, "Welcome to Meteli." Yes, Meteli. That's the village.

Aphmau: Ah, crap! So let's, argh! I wasn't very graceful, but uh, whatever. So let's go ahead and, ooh this place is nice! Look at this! Aww man there's, there's people here. There's, there's these lovely little lamps. They've got glowstone lamps here, holy crap! Alright, so, um, so whe-where do I go to first? I mean, uh, let's see, Laurance. Laurance looks like, uh a guard.

Laurance: Good evening m'lady. Oh my...

Aphmau: Uh, yeah, hi!

Laurance: I'm sorry, it's just... it's ever so rare I see a maiden as beautiful as you You're like a pearl that has just fallen from the lost city of Atlantis... rare... beautiful... enough ti take my breath away.

Aphmau: (Laughter) Calm dow- yeah!

Laurance: Oh, where are my manners! My name is Laurance. I'm the head

Aphmau: (Laughter) Well! (More laughter) First, you know, first time for everything! Much flattery, but yeah, you need to calm down.

Laurance: Where are my manners? My name is Laurance. I'm the head of, I'm the head guard here on post, but if you need an escort around town, I can find someone to take my post for a while while we go for a candle-light dinner.

Aphmau: Uhh... sure take me or away or no thanks? Yeah, uh, no no thanks. I'm good. Uh...

Laurance: I see. Maybe some other time then. What can I do for you, vision of my dreams?