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| Christmas Cat-Tastrophe | |||||
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(Episode starts by showing the Crazy Cat lady walking to Aphmau's house, followed by a bunch of cats. She rings on the doorbell, and the camera shows Katelyn, who is sitting on the couch reading a book)
Katelyn: I'll get it, I'll get it.
(He walks to the door and opens it for the Crazy Cat Lady))
Crazy Cat Lady: Oh, hello there Kawaii~Chan. I am so glad you're watching my kitties for me.
Katelyn: Uh, do I look like Kawaii~Chan?
Crazy Cat Lady: I don't have time to play your silly games, Kawaii~Chan. Now listen up. The kitties I'm about to give you are very special. Just be good to them and they're easy to take care of. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to attend my vet appointment for my other 52 other cats. Thanks again, Kawaii~Chan! (She walks off, leaving her cats with Katelyn)
Katelyn: Ptuh, I'm not Kawaii~Chan! Come beck here you crazy old lady, before I end you— Uh, (she looks around) Huh? Where did she go? Ugh! Kawaii~Chan, come down here and get your cats! Kawaii~Chan!
Aphmau: (walking down the stairs) Ugh, why are you yelling? Kawaii~Chan isn't here. She's working the noon shift, remember? (gasps) Kitties! Aww, I love you, oh my gosh...
Katelyn: Are you serious?! That crazy cat lady from down the street left these nine cats here for her to babysit!
Aphmau: (finally paying attention) You mean cat sit?
Katelyn: Whatever. My point is they're Kawaii~Chan's responsibility, and I want nothing to do with this.
Aphmau: Hey, you let the crazy old lady bring them in here, so they're your responsibility until Kawaii~Chan gets back.
Katelyn: UGHHHH!!!!!!
Aphmau: Huh? Um, uh, Katelyn, y-you said there were nine cats, and I'm only counting eight.
Katelyn: Ugh, are you serious? One is missing! It was right here just a second ago!
Aphmau: Are you sitting on it?
Katelyn: Wha-what, what kind of question is that?! I'm not even sitting!
Aphmau: I mean, we're cat sitting, right? (the comedy drum ba-dum-ch sound goes off)
Katelyn: Aphmau, just, no! Now we need to find that cat. I don't want it looking for a place to pee in the house.
Aphmau: Ugh, I hope it pees in your stuff.
Katelyn: W-what?!
Aphmau: Ha, oh, nothing! Hehe, ah.
Katelyn: Where do we even begin looking to find cats?
Aphmau: Um, well, cats like places where they can hind, really the cat could be anywhere in the house. Boxes, under beds, couches, in the bookshelves between the books that aren't there, I mean, he's wearing a little sweater, so he probably is gonna be somewhere with a cooler climate somewhere in the house. At least I would hope so.
Katelyn: What about these other cats? What are we going to do with them?
Aphmau: Heh, I mean, they haven't run off and tried to hide, so we can probably just leave them all here, I guess. I mean, there's a chance that they may scratch up the new couches, but I mean...
Katelyn: Ugh... put them all in your room.
Aphmau: What?! My room?! Heh, why not your room?! You're responsible for them!
Katelyn: Your room is bigger, the cats would probably like it there better.
Aphmau: Okay, first off Katelyn, Celeste's in my room, and she's not or has been, never has been a bigger fan of cats, okay? (She's trying to say that Celeste doesn't like cats) P-plus , we don't have any kitty litter. What if they need to pee? It's, heh, it's—
Katelyn: Then they can pee on your Levi poster. Let's just get looking for that cat.
Aphmau: No– oh, Katelyn. What am I going to do with you? I just, ugh. Anyway, okay kitties, hi! I know Katelyn didn't say anything to you guys, but, you're all good kitties, right? Aww, you can take care of yourselves?
Comet (one of the cats): Merrow
Aphmau: Hehe! You'll all be good cats, and stay right here, right? All of you?
Comet: Merrow
Aphmau: Hehe! Aww, I knew I could count on you guys to be good. Plus, I just have to say, lemme lemme be the first to say, because I know Katelyn didn't say anything. Yeah, I see– you look at me over there. I know Katelyn didn't say anything, but your sweaters are absolutely adorable, and you're all good kitties for keeping them on.
Comet: Thank you~
Aphmau: Hehe! Oh, well you're welcome! Hehe! Aww. Okay, well, I gotta start looking for that ninth cat. I don't even know what it looks like so I don't even know how he's gonna— wait. Did that cat just talk to me? Uh,
Comet: Merrow
Aphmau: Okay... I must be imagining things. Uh, heh. Okay, whew, that was weird. Let's see it seems like Katelyn has the bottom floor covered, so I should start searching the top floor. I'm on it.
(She walks upstairs)
Aphmau: Okay, let's see, where to start. I could start with my room first, so let's go over here. Mkay, it doesn't look like there's any kitties here,
(She goes into her bathroom)
Aphmau: There's none inside– I don't know why they would be here– why– would the kitties be in the water? No I don't think so, I don't think they would be in the water. Um, so let's see, aww, Celeste, oh look at you, you're so cute! You're so ador— Wait a minute. Hey! Didn't we have a talk about you jumping on the bed? You were just– ugh! Celeste!
(Celeste whimpers)
Aphmau: M- okay, you cutie! You can stay on the bed.But we're going to cuddle later, okay? Alright? Aww, I love you so much.
Celeste: Bark! 🖤
Aphmau: Okay, (clears throat) (to her Levi poster) I also love you too. Ahem! Sorry, uh, let's see, um, let me think. Kitty cat, kitty cat, kitty cat. Nothing under the bed, nothing over there, in my closet? No. My closet looks so barren, I gotta start working on making up my wardrobe. I only brought a few clothes and they're all in those boxes still so, gotta be working on that. Uh, alright, since there's no kitty in my room, let me go check Katelyn and uh Kawaii~Chan's room. Let's see, Katelyn's room...
(She walks into Katelyn's room)
Aphmau: Okay, nothing, no cats here, no cats anywhere,
(She opens Katelyn's closet with the 1D poster and laughs)
Aphmau: Oh, Katelyn, Katelyn Katelyn. I swear, if you try to pawn off the responsibility of the cats on me, I'm telling everyone your secret about what you've got in your closet. (sighs) Alright, Kawaii~Chan's room.
(She goes into Kawaii~Chan's room)
Aphmau: I'm a little afraid to go in here, I feel like I'm gonna find something I shouldn't. Okay, nothing too out of the ordinary, no cats here, no cats under her bed, under her desk,
(She takes a deep breath before she opens Kawaii~Chan's closet, nothing is in them)
Aphmau: Okay. Okay good. Phew, alright, there's no kitty in here. It's time to go downstairs. (she exhales heavily again) Oh my gosh, Heh, okay. Leaving that alone, not going in her room ever again.
(She goes downstairs)
Aphmau: Huh?
Katelyn: APHMAU! WHERE ARE ALL THE OTHER CATS!?
Aphmau: (gasps) I trusted them! Oh my God, what?!
Katelyn: ALL THE CATS ARE MISSING AND WE STILL HAVEN'T FOUND THE LAST CAT!
Aphmau: T-T-This isn't good. Katelyn, have you checked the basement? You should–
Katelyn: Not yet, darn it! I don't want to watch those stupid cats but I don't want them to get hurt either... Fine, you go and check the basement and I'll go check the garage.
Aphmau: Wait wait wait, why don't you go check the basement. The garage is really cold, and uh...
Katelyn: ...because I've seen what's in there.
Aphmau: Heh, Oh, Katelyn please, I don't want to go in there. Please, Katelyn! I don't want to go in there at all.
Katelyn: Nope. That's your doing, you have to deal with it. Again, you LET HER ship you with Aaron. Good luck!
Aphmau: U-Uh, K-Katelyn, please! Please? I-I don't want to go in there...
Katelyn: Nope. Have fun seeing you kiss Aaron!
Aphmau: Wah, Katelyn, I hate you! Wahahaha! Fine, I'll do it. Ugh, I'm not going to like it one bit, though. (sniffles) Here, kitty kitty kitties! Here kitties! Be somewhere, where I can, like, find you! And not on the other side, I'm- I'm not going to go to the other side, as much as I want to. Here kitty kitty kitty kitty! (makes clicking noises) Why do cats respond, they don't respond to that (sighs) Okay, I'm gonna regret this, I'm gonna regret this, I'm gonna regret this, but (takes a deep breath) there doesn't seem to be any cats on this side of the basement, so that leaves the other side. Okay, I'm gonna turn around, and hold my breath, and go. Here, kitty kitties! Aw, what is she doing with— oh my gosh. Just, wha– ugh... She put– I– Kawaii~Chan, I have half a mind to rip down this shrine, or you know what? (gasps) Maybe I put bugs all over it! (no, put cucumbers all over it) Hahaha! Kawaii~Chan hates bugs. (sighs) Well, that's every place in the house, where the heck could all those cats have gone to? Agh, I swear, there's so many of them! We should've seen them by now!
(She hears Celeste barking)
Aphmau: I— Celeste? Celeste! Celeste, girl, are you okay?
(She walks into her room to see all nine cats gathered around the bed that Celeste is on)
Aphmau: Uh, huh what's— w-what's this?
Cat: This is home to a dog!
Aphmau: Are these cats talking?!
Cat: This person is a dog lover!
Cat: This is a catastrophe!
Cat: That dog smells!
Aphmau: Y-Y What?! There's dog?
Cat: There is a dog!
Cat: We must teach her the ways of loving cats!
Aphmau: Let me near my dog!
Cat: I like potatoes! (XD)
Aphmau: U-uh, (she sees a cat that just walked into the room) AH!
Cat (the one that just walked in): Good day to you human.
Aphmau: U-uh, heh, uh, you guys can talk. What's going on?!
Cat: Do not be startled. Though I know it's highly improbable for you to not be, seeing and hearing a talking cat, but allow me to introduce myself and my comrades in sweaters. Ahem. We are the nine very special cats of the Crazy Cat Lady. Behind you are my comrades, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Donner, and Blitzen.
Aphmau: Heheheh! Let me guess, is your name Rudolph?
Cat: No. My name is Randy.
Aphmau: Oh. Uh, well I wasn't expecting that. Heheh. Um, what do you want from me?
Randy: Well at first we were going to just be normal cats in sweaters, but now that we see you have a dog and lack a cat in the house we must show you the ways of the cats.
Aphmau: Wait, what, what?! Okay, okay first, off, cat, um, we do have a cat in the house. Uh, kind of. She's like, a half human, half cat, uh, thing.
Randy: A Meifwa? She doesn't count, she's more human than cat. No, you must experience what it's like to BE a cat, and now... POOF!
(Aphmau turns into a cat with purple black, and white cat)
Aphmau: W-what did you‒ what did you do to me?!
Randy: Don't worry human, you will turn back to normal in due time. When you learn to spread Catmas Cheer only then will you turn back to normal.
Aphmau: W-w-why am I purple?
Randy: It makes you stand out more, plus I attuned to your favorite color. Humans won't look at you as a normal cat and be instantly attracted to you. Then you'll know how it feels to be petted relentlessly, have your desires tempted with laser pointers, as well as be memes on the internet.
Aphmau: Uh, heh, this has to be a dream.
Randy: Then you'll be a cat forever. Trust me this is very much real. Our agenda is simply to make people appreciate their pets more. Not just cats. We just don't like your dog there because she took the spot on the bed. We wanted that spot. Now, once you bring Catmas Cheer to someone you will instantly turn back into a human. Good luck, it's never easy on the first try for most humans.
Aphmau: Bu- d- what? C-Celeste, Celeste, I need help!
Celeste: Master!? You're a cat!? HOLY SMOKES THAT MEANS YOU CAN UNDERSTAND ME!
Aphmau: Am I dreaming?
Celeste: I don't think so... If you're dreaming does that mean I'm dreaming? OKAY THEN I WANT THESE CATS TO TURN INTO SQUIRRELS NOW! ... Hm, I guess this isn't a dream.
Aphmau: I- Oh my Irene.
Celeste: Irene? Who is that? Is that a kind of food? OH! While I can talk to you, for Christmas can I get tennis ball? Those look like fun! Also... can you get these cats away from me? I'm scared of cats... they're bigger than me...
Aphmau: Heh, aww, don't worry, Celeste, you'll be fine! You'll be perfectly fine. It's just, you'll grow big, trust me, and they'll be scared of you someday. They- that's how it works. Okay, um, I gotta get out of here, I gotta– if I gotta spread Christmas cheer to somebody, then— (Katelyn walks by) Katelyn! Hey, Katelyn! Hey, meow!
Katelyn: GAH! WHAT!? A PURPLE CAT!?!?!
Aphmau: Katelyn thank goodness I need to make you happy. I have no idea ow to do that, so can you pretend to be happy for a little bit? Just just a—
Katelyn: OUT! OUT! SHOO! I HAVE ENOUGH ISSUES WITH THE OTHER CATS!
Aphmau: No! No! Leave me alone! Ah, ah, Katelyn! No, I'm a good cat, I swear! I promise! It's— what is she doing to me?!
(She gets hit)
Aphmau: AH!
(She runs out the door crying)
Aphmau: Katelyn! Katelyn! Wahh!! (Katelyn closes the door) This isn't a dream, because it hurt when she hit me. Ow. Uh, at least it was a light tap. Ugh, she was helpful. Okay, I have to bring joy to— Ah! My paws are cold.
(She goes to a place with less snow)
Aphmau: Okay, I have to bring joy to one person as a cat. (gasps) I'm so dumb! Pft! Garroth, Laurance, and Dante! All I have to do is go over and do some cute things. Haha! I got this! This is going to be easy! Okay, alright, cute things. Gotta think cute thoughts, cute things, and I should be good. Ah, my paws. I got this, I got this, I got this.
(She gets to the guys' front door where there isn't any snow)
Aphmau: Okay, ah, that's better. Alright, uh, (she rings the doorbell) (I'm not sure how she could reach the doorbell as a cat) Mm, come on! Come on! Answer the door answer the door answer the door!
(Garroth opens the door)
Aphmau: Hi!
Garroth: Huh? Did someone just ring the doll and run off?
Aphmau: Um, hello! Down here! (she jumps to get his attention, and he looks down at her) Hi! Garroth! So, meow meow—
Garroth: ...a purple cat?
Aphmau: Yes, shocking, I know. Now let me be cute. Meow meow meow purrr purr purrr.
Garroth: How cruel some people can be to dye a cat like this. Come on in little guy, I'll get you cleaned up.
Aphmau: What? What? Wait what? Huh? No! Put me down! Ah!
(The screen goes black and comes up in the kitchen. Aphmau is sitting on a chair and the boys are talking in the living room)
Garroth: It's a natural purple cat, I bathed it. The fur is legit purple.
Dante: Maybe it's a genetic mutation.
Laurance: Did it come with that little sweater too? That's kind of cute. Are we going to keep it?
Garroth: I was thinking it might have an owner because of the sweater. There's no collar, so after the bath I put it back on, so if the owner passes by, she'll recognize it. (She?) Hmm, maybe we should give it to the Crazy Cat lady down the street.
Dante: We are not giving it to that crazy cat lady down the street! She has too many cats and she doesn't care for 'em properly.
Laurance: Why don't we see if Aphmau wants the cat? She likes cats and the color purple.
Garroth: She's got a puppy already.
Dante: Right. Well, I guess we can keep the cat.
Laurance: We'd have to get it spayed though, I don't think we can deal with kittens. (I wonder what would happen if they succeeded in spaying her)
Garroth: Ah, right. I'll set up an appointment with the vet. Hey Sprinkles, we're going to keep you, girl. Uh, where did she go?
Laurance: You named the cat "Sprinkles"?
Garroth: What? It's the perfect name for a cat.
Dante: I like "Muffins" better.
Laurance: Well I think "Serenity" is a beautiful name for a cat.
Garroth: Sprinkles!
Dante: Muffins!
Laurance: Now, I'm just hungry.
(The camera changes to show Aphmau breaking someone's bedroom window and escaping through it)
Aphmau: (All her lines until she becomes human again is her thinking unless written otherwise) (gasping) Oh my gosh, those guys didn't even give me a chance to be cute! They were gonna take me to the vet, and I know exactly what happens there. Bad things. And I can't yell at people not to do those things because apparently I just meow!
Zane: (walking by and seeing Aphmau) A purple cat?
Aphmau: AH! Z-Zane?
Zane: What are you doing out in the snow alone?
Aphmau: Well, I could ask you the same thing, but I don't really care.
Zane: If you want, you can follow me. There's warm milk at my place.
Aphmau: Huh? I-is he being nice? I mean, I don't have any other options. Katelyn kicked me out of the house, and if I go back to those guys, well, ugh I don't want to think about it. Alright, what's the worst that could happen?
(Zane walks off to his house, and Aphmau follows. The screen fades out and comes up on Zane's house, where the TV is playing "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". Zane and Aphmau are on the couch)
Zane: Feel better?
Aphmau: Heheh, yeah! I mean, ugh. (out loud) "Meow."
Zane: I'll take that as a yes. You know, an animal has never followed me home like that before. I was honestly joking with you a first, but, well, yeah.
Aphmau: Oh, so it was a joke, and you really weren't being nice to me. Heh. I see how it is.
Zane: You know, I was never allowed to have a pet before. Animals usually don't like me.
Aphmau: Oh my Irene, I can already tell what's going to happen. He's going to keep me, and then get me neutered, and wah, I knew this was too good to be true.
Zane: Welp, the door is that way.
Aphmau: What?
Zane: I'm sure you have an owner somewhere who's worried about you. Go on.
Aphmau: He-he's letting me go? Uh, Zane, you've been really nice lately. I wish there was something I could do to show him my gratitude, aside from meowing. Uh wait, there is! This dumb sweater!
(She takes it off somehow and gives it to Zane. It magically transforms into a human sweater that would fit him)
Zane: Huh? How did you take that thing off? You're giving it to me?
Aphmau: No, this cat is actually asking you to wash the sweater. Of course, yes, duh, it's yours.
Zane: I've never gotten a gift from someone who wasn't family. Uh, but I guess you don't count as a someone, right cat?
Aphmau: Huh? Is he actually tearing up?
Zane: Th-thanks.
Aphmau: (out loud from here on out) Heheh, you're welcome, Zane. (She transforms into her human self)
Zane: You! What the– is this some kind of prank?!
Aphmau: (outro music starts) Uh, hahaha, g-gotta go, bye! (She breaks his window and runs home)
Zane: My windows! You'll pay for this! (He puts on the Santa sweater)
(The screen pans around Zane's house before the outro screen comes up and the video ends)