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Heartbreaker
Phoenix Drop High 24
Transcript Guide
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"Who's Coming to Dinner"

"Aphmau Has a Baby"


(Episode starts by showing the front of PDHS. Then, it shows Katelyn, who is getting books out of her locker. Travis is watching her from around the corner)

Travis: (takes a deep breath) Today's the day. I'm going to talk to her! (He walks over to Katelyn, who turns around when he approaches) He-He-Hi K-K-K-Katelyn!

Katelyn: Hey dork. Huh? Oh hey, it's you.

Travis: Y-Y-You know who I am?

Katelyn: Yeah, you're Aphmau's weird not-alone friend thing. Uh, Trevor, right?

Travis: (In a quiet, fast voice) It's actually not alone buddy and my name is Tra- (clears throat, then talks in a louder, more flirtatious voice) I mean, you can call me whatever you want, baby.

Katelyn: Uh, excuse me?

Travis: Are you an angel? Because gurl, that butt be lookin'- AH!

Jeffory: Ah, Katelyn! There you are!

Katelyn: Jeffory!

Travis: (makes weird squeaky noise)

Jeffory: Are you ready for exams? (Sees Travis) Oh hey, it's nice to meet you! Are you a friend of Katelyn?

Travis: I, uh, no, I'm just-

Katelyn: He's Aphmau's not-a-butt buddy.

Jeffory: Uh, what's that?

Travis: (Dante is watching this conversation in the background) (Uses the quiet voice again, getting quieter as the line goes on) It's actually "not-alone buddy" but Katelyn has a nice one.

Jeffory: Did you say something?

Travis: No, nono! Nothing! Sorry!

Jeffory: Oh, ok. In any case, want me to walk you to class, Katelyn?

Katelyn: I would love that, Jeffory. Hehe. See you later, Trevor.

Jeffory: Nice to meet you, Trevor. Good luck on exams. (They walk away)

Travis: (in his quiet voice) I-It's actually Trav-vis. (sighs) I should just give up. She's already got a boyfriend.

Dante: (walking over) Man, Travis! You really need to work on your game.

Travis: Ah! Dante?! You were watching?!

Dante: Yeah, I was watching., and man, you really got to step it up. Where's that confidence at?

Travis: Well, I had it, but then her boyfriend showed up. I'm thinking, I should just move on.

Dante: Nonsense! Look, all you gotta do is just project confidence! Look, watch this. (He walks over to Aphmau, who is getting stuff from her locker. He doesn't notice that it's her, though)

Dante: Hey, baby. I wanted to let you know I'm trash, so I was wondering if you could take me out.

Travis: Dante no that's-!

Aphmau: (Punches him to the floor) Does knocking you out count? Huh? D-Dante? Ew!

Dante: Ow! Geez! You didn't have to hit me that hard!

Travis: Aphmau, I'm so so so so soo sorry!

Aphmau: Uh, Travis? What the- What are you guys doing?

Dante: I'm trying to show Travis here how to pick up the ladies.

Aphmau: You're giving Travis horrible dating advice again?! You really need to sit back and stop!

Dante: Hey, it's not horrible! He's just horrible at actually doing it!

Travis: You know I'm right here, Dante.

Aphmau: I can't believe you, trying to corrupt poor, innocent little Travis!

Dante: Innocent? Haha! Have you-

Travis: DANTE!

Aphmau: Where do you even learn this advice, anyway?

Dante: It's all in this book I wrote about picking up chicks. (He holds up a book titled "The Only Dating Tips You'll Ever Need" by "Smooth Dante")

Aphmau: Haha! You wrote a book! Hahahaha! Lemme see this! (She takes it and starts to read it a bit) Huh, hmm, Step 3: Touch the butt?!

Dante: Touch all the butts.

Aphmau: (Throws Dante's book on the floor)

Dante: Hey! My book!

Aphmau: This book is filled with terrible dating advice! Half the stuff in here isn't good to do to anyone! This isn't how you get a date!

Dante: Excuse me, how many boyfriends have you had?

Aphmau: Me? U-U-um, none, but, I-

Dante: Exactly. I've had about four girlfriends.

Aphmau: That isn't anything to be proud of!

Dante: No, not exactly, but what I'm trying to say is, I obviously have more expertise in these kind of things. I even wrote that book!

Random werewolf: Here you go, Alpha. (He hands her Dante's book)

Aphmau: Oh, thanks! (She sees what it is) Wait, I don't want this trash!

Travis: To be fair, Aphmau, that book actually does have some good advice in it.

Dante: Ha! See?

Aphmau: (Sighs) Okay, I'll admit, some of this advice is good. Like this one about asking before you kiss someone. But it's promptly followed by "Then ask to touch the butt".

Dante: At least I said "ask"!

Aphmau: Travis, I thought we talked about this before, remember? About, just being yourself?

Travis: We did, but-

Dante: Alright missy! If you're so good at this, you walk a day in our shoes.

Aphmau: Huh?

Dante: If you can get a girl's phone number by the end of the day, then I'll leave Travis alone and let him get a girlfriend his own way. But, if you can't, then you'll have to go on a date with me.

Aphmau: Heh, is this a challenge?

Dante: It sure is!

Aphmau: Haha. Fine. I can actually do this no problem. (She walks over to KC) Kc, give me your number.

KC: But Aphmau~Senpai already has it!

Aphmau: (quieter so Dante can't hear) Just pretend you're writing it.

KC: Ok!

Aphmau: (Walking back to Dante) Done, and done.

Travis: Wow, that was awesome!

Dante: That wasn't what I meant! I mean, obviously you can get girls' numbers easily, you're a girl! What I meant was, you have to do it as a boy.

Aphmau: A boy!? Wait, you're kidding me.

Dante: Heheheh, nope! Travis, go get your extra uniform. (Travis leaves)

Aphmau: You're seriously kidding me, right?!

Dante; You already accepted the challenge! It's not my fault you didn't clarify the rules. Hahaha. Or, are you chicken?!

Aphmau: I. Am. Not!

Dante: Then prove it!

(Time skip, and Aphmau comes out of the bathroom with the boy's uniform on and her hair tucked in her shirt)

Aphmau: I can't believe I agreed to this\

Travis: Hehey, not bad.

Dante: There. Now, you have until the end of the school day to get a girl's number as a boy.

Aphmau: Heheheh. This will be easy.

Dante: You can't let your girlfriends know that it's you, either. You have to make sure they think you're some new kid or something.

(The song "Heartbreaker" plays while the video plays a montage of Aphmau talking to girls and getting punched in return. Once she got flowers. At another point, she ran off, with Cadenza and another girl chasing her. At one point, she had to look around carefully before she went to the girls' bathroom, then left, chased by a random girl and Nicole, both wielding swords. She ran away and hid behind some lockers, only to get chased by Cadenza and the girl with her, now with swords as well. Then it just shows a bunch of girls shaking their heads at her. She walked past Aaron once, then turned around to watch him, blushing, when the lyrics "I love you (at least I think I do)" were playing. The montage ends with her sitting in front of some lockers)

Aphmau: Oh, why is this harder than I thought? There has to be a better way to do this. (sighs) Oh, let's see. If I were me as a girl, and not me as a boy, what would get me to give me my own phone number? Hmm...

(Flashback starts)

(The screen shows Woof, making a cute barking sound)

Aphmau: What's this?

Aaron: It's... a wolf plush.

Aphmau: Did you get this for me?

Aaron: Yeah, I thought it would help you do better in werewolf class. You know, because you're horrible at it.(Aphmau attempts to punch him, but he blocks it) Heheh, this is how you thank me?

Aphmau: Heh, got a problem with it?

Aaron; Not at all. Though, you really need a chair to reach my face.

Aphmau: Rah! (sighs) Hm. But, thank you, FC. I really appreciate the plush.

Aaron: It's no problem, Shu.

(Flashback ends)

Aphmau: Huh, that would work. Maybe if I give a girl a plush, and be super cute about it.... Uh, but I don't have a plush to give someone. How am I going to ask a girl out by the end of the day?! (sobs a bit)

Jeff: When you figure that out, can you tell me?

Aphmau: Huh? Who are you? (She gets up and walks over to Jeff)

Jeff: Oh, no one. At least, not in her eyes. (He nods to where Sasha is sitting, reading a book)

Aphmau: Whose eyes? (She walks a bit closer to see who he's talking about) Huh? S-SASHA!

Jeff: Yeah, isn't she beautiful?

Aphmau: Wait, you're that hall monitor kid. Wait, you have a crush on Sasha?!

Jeff: Yeah, but she's too cool for me.

Aphmau: That's not true. How do you know?

Jeff: Wha?

Aphmau: Have you even tried talking to her?

Jeff: No, but-but I-

Aphmau: Then how, exactly, do you know? You should go up to her and just be yourself.

Jeff: But- But what if she doesn't like me?

Aphmau: Then it's her loss. You should find someone that likes you for you. And who knows? It may be the person that you like the least, who ends up being the one that you like the most. Heheh.

Jeff: Wow, no one's ever given me that kind of advice before. Thanks, dude. I'm going to go try talking to her.

Aphmau: Alright! Good luck! (He walks off) Huh, wait, did he just call me "dude"? O-oh, that's right, I'm a guy. Heheh, heheh. Ugh. Speaking of guys, I'd better go find Dante and Travis. (She walks off and sighs)

(The screen fades and comes up on Dante and Travis, who are talking to each other in front of Dante's locker. Aphmau walks up to them)

Dante: So, any luck.

Aphmau: ARGH!

Travis: Aphmau, you should calm down. You don't really have to do this for me.

Aphmau: It's not that, Travis. I want to show you that you can do this by just being yourself. Also, Dante, this isn't fair! I should get more than a day to get a girl's number. I should know them longer before I even want a number!

Dante: So, where did you want to go on our date, again?

Aphmau: Argh! No way that's happening. I can do this!

Dante: Want to try using some advice from my book?

Aphmau: Heheheh. I'm not that desperate.

Dante: You really want to go on that date with me? Huh?

Aphmau: (Walking away towards two girls that are standing around, talking) Ahem, (In a lower voice) Hey baby, are you- (Se gets punched

Travis and Dante: (Laugh hysterically)

(Aphmau walks back, crouched down)

Dante: Oh my gosh, that was hilarious!! Ah, it's so funny seeing it from the other side!

Aphmau: It's not funny! Your stupid book doesn't work!

Dante: You weren't confident enough! I mean look at you, going up there with your hunched shoulders-

(They start arguing)

Aphmau:  (talking at the same time as Dante) Okay, first off, I think your book is absolutely- absolute trash. Look at this stupid paperback cover, I don't even know what that says! Secondly, -

Dante: (Talking at the same time as Aphmau) Acted like you didn't even want to say anything in the first place. You know what that's called? That's called "weak game"-

Travis: (to himself) (sighs) Oh no. (sees Katelyn walk by down the hallway, looking sad) Huh? (Travis follows her while Aphmau is still arguing about how no one should be touching anyone's butt and Dante is arguing that his Nintendo has more game than she does. They're arguing dies out as the camera shifts to where the bleachers, where Katelyn is sitting, still looking dejected. She starts crying. Travis walks over to her)

Travis: Um, excuse me, is- everything okay?

Katelyn No everything isn't okay! (cries some more)

Travis: Wanna talk about it?

Katelyn: My boyfriend and I broke up.

Travis: W-What?! D-did something happen?

Katelyn: It's- too complicated to explain, but- (She breaks off and starts to cry)

Travis: D-D-Don't cry! Um, maybe, um, are you an angel?

Katelyn: (cries a bit more, then pauses) Huh?

Travis: Because you must have fell straight from heaven.

Katelyn: (sniffles) huh, heh, Wha-What? Y-you can't be serious. That's the lamest joke in the book.

Travis: Huh, joke? No, I- uh, huh. Um, I'm trash.

Katelyn: What?

Travis: So can you take me out?

Katelyn: He-he- heh. That's a good one.

Travis: Hehehe. (more confidently) Are you a camera? Because I smile every time I look at you.

Katelyn: Hahaha!

Travis: Waitwaitwait. Is you're dad a baker? Because you've got some nice buns.

Katelyn: Ahahaha... What, what?

Travis: I mean, you have a nice, uh, butt (He barely finished the word before he gets punched to the ground. The camera shows the mountains the whole time, so we don't see what is happening but only hear it) AH! WHY?!

Katelyn: HOW DARE YOU CHECK OUT MY BUTT?! COME BACK HERE AND I'LL TEACH YOU A LESSON!

(Camera changes to show Aphmau, still in her guy outfit, talking to Dante)

Dante: The day's almost up! So, where were you thinking for our date? Because there's this movie that I-

Aphmau: Hmm, wait a minute! (The outro music starts to play) (In her normal voice) Hey handsome. (In a deeper voice) Hey baby. (Back to her normal voice) Well, here's my number. (Back to her deeper voice) Why thanks, toots.

Dante: What the-! That doesn't count! You can't get your own number!

Aphmau: Heheh, not my fault you didn't clarify the rules before we started.

Dante: What the-! That uh- ugh- Fine! Whatever! I'm done. (He walks off)

(The camera transitions to Katelyn, who is standing over Travis, who is laving down, passed out, in a crater)

Katelyn: You are such a jerk! I can't believe Aphmau is friends with you!

Travis; Eheh, heh, At least, she's smiling now. Bleh.

(Then the screen shows PDHS as the screen fades out and the outro plays)

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